Offering You Solace From a Moonfull Mind (prose exploration writing by apl from August 29th of 2023) (Originally Published to Medium & abbypeytonlaporte.com)

Offering You Solace From a Moonfull Mind
The glow of tentative writing, while seeking connection in a wide open digital space. (a short-form prose exploration)

In honor of the Full Blue Moon in Pisces, I want to practice radical honesty.

In the fast economy of today, if writers don’t cut out anything overwhelming, people stop reading. If we don’t add in enough that’s relatable, people stop reading. If we say too much or too little, that’s it. They click away.

Yet there is a great painlessness of this contemporary conundrum. We aren’t confronted by their absence. Rather, we notice only the ghostly non-presence of the humans that click.

Our numbers are driven by internet phantoms that are all human beings living (and clicking) somewhere else in space. Yet, like most platforms, the results aren’t exactly real-time. You won’t know until later — moments or maybe days — how many visited or for how long.

Good results are when people stay. When they engage. When they wait, watch, or read, before they click away. The goal of humans creating online is to delay the click away.

And most humans that click also create something of their own online, too. It’s usually not as voyeuristic as we might want to believe. We are all simultaneously asking one another not to click away.

Or, at very least, to spare a moment or two before doing so. We are begging, as click-people, for other people to not click so quickly.

Maybe it was one episode of a now long-gone podcast, or a few posts on a quote page that you hoped to maintain. The discouragement of our own internet specters feels all-too-real, even with so little to hold onto. It flits and fleets, like the cosmic cycles. Like a small asteroid, rushing quickly away from orbit.

I type and I edit, hoping that I’ll write well enough to have a chance at some kind of life (read: more sustained housing). I break the fourth wall, admitting this. I stand up, hands aching. I walk a few paces in the room where I stay today, and look out of the window at the August blue moon. The moon glows right back.

I sit down. Reread. Think about the pain of the early clicks goodbye. But why, right? Why do we need the eyes to stay before they leave?

Often for money. Or self-esteem. Or, for the ephemeral promise of money down the road. Maybe we’re just supposed to want the views.

As for the youth, I’m not really sure. Probably some combination of building their sense of parasocial identity or feeling uncertain to question the status quo. Or, very possibly, because young people have only even known this. Nothing more nothing less.

I want to spend time with the moon. But I can’t until I know where I’ll live. I want to explain myself without giving too much detail, but my parasocial insecurity about psychiatric diagnoses pushes me to say more. I don’t want to say more.

The secondary irony is that there is no promise of success. Yet as someone who can’t work most jobs without direct medical failure, promises of success are rare either way. So, I bargain with the universe for usefulness. I offer up this request — out toward the moon, the ice sky, and the sharpness of the stars.

I ask that my writing finds the humans that need it most.

Even in its rawest, most ragged, and tangential forms, my writing has helped me. My thinking has also helped me. My resilience, what’s more, has kept me alive.

And yet, the discrepancy between my internal fire and my external creations is stunning. I am sent into utter inaction by all that I have left to say (so, so much).

I have hundreds of books to write. I don’t know if I have the physical or medical stamina to do so. I will find the stamina, though, despite the burning in my fingers and wrists and back and my eyes, and despite the rest of the problems, too. I mean, we all have problems.

Don’t worry, though, because the pain is not contagious. My obsessive compulsive disorder wants me to remind you, dear reader, that you are healthy, in some way or another! Your body and mind, like mine, have places of wholesome and sustainable good health. I promise!

In many ways, I am also healthy. Like the sky, dotted with both beauty and discrepancies. We all have places of healthfulness.

There is always, much like in the dips and divots of the moon, some beautiful silver area to be found. I seek the nuances, nestled into the grey of shadows beside the brightness of speckles of light. Cool, soothing dark silver nuances, to balance everything.

Luckily, my enthusiasm, optimism, and gratitude are quite catching. Thus, I hope that my words might catch you from ever falling into the internet abyss. We don’t need to fall. None of us do. We can weave the threads together — rather than sit, alone and tangled, within the web of empty thoughts unseen.

The rare full blue moon in Pisces reminds me that some occurrences are healthy, special, random, and only known by their announcement. Maybe breaking the form of relatable writing is similar.

Maybe I can hold the reader such that they want to stay. Maybe I can create a safe and gentle set of moments. Maybe I can benefit people, even as phantoms, floating around the internet, such that they will feel safe to lean in, to learn, to listen, to share, and to ask.

Sit down, my love. You are welcome here. Stay for a while, in the light of the full blue moon.

Full Moon, Being Human, Prose, Digital Philosophy, Mental Health 

Life Pouring Out Into Nothingness (Surrealist Prose, August 2023)

 

Life Pouring Out Into Nothingness

And a pile of truths, from the acceptance of the abyss of the creative mind.

photo by author

Philosophy feels too easy sometimes. As such, when reading the philosophy of others, I feel frustrated. How did they find time to write and publish? Why do they have more readers than I? Will I ever be able to communicate sufficiently to the world? And, what do I mean by, “to the world?”

I have a theory about why time hastens with age; I’m sure I’m right. I think I have a unified field theory in physics that I’ve maintained as true for years. I figured out the meaning of life, written about it, and read it for my thesis reading. That was that.

I am convinced I know how to self heal through minutia self-massage. I know the best and most novel meditation techniques for people with type I bipolar, most of which I’ve created over the past decade. I think I have the perfect synergistic tea infusion blend. That last one is more subjective. But the rest are not!

I know how to be persuasive. Or, at least when I’m not being controlled by my emotions. I (usually?) know how to calm my own mind, in the midst of emotional reactivity. I know how to fall asleep almost perfectly. I know how to set boundaries with family (that’s new) and also how to cut people off when we both don’t need to indulge the pain. I’ve taught myself a plethora of skills. I even enjoy public speaking, as well as writing, practicing, and performing standup comedy.

I know how to sew; I know how to knit; I know how to bake. I don’t, however, know how to date. I know how to style my hair and kind of how to cut it alright. I know how to pierce ears pretty well, too. I can paint just fine. I enjoy creating line drawings. I can channel aliens. I’m great at customer service. I am physically strong, at least for heavy lifting.

I love to dance and I dance pretty well. I can even do some pole, salsa, basic swing dancing, with a history of ballet training. I enjoy clubbing. I go out, I party, I know how to drink (kind of). I roll a great blunt or cone, although I don’t do that anymore. I also know how to successfully avoid all substances, and that meditation played a role. I know how to read quickly. I know how to edit other people’s writing. I know how to write good prompts for precise AI responses.

I know how to quit nicotine cold turkey. I know how to re-frame a mental concept. I don’t know how to fall out of love. I don’t know how to let myself mourn a lost relationship, at least not completely. I don’t yet know how to move well, or to find a good place to live, nor, paradoxically, how to sustainably make money. I don’t know how to be myself, but also sometimes I do. I finally know how to spend time happily alone (that’s pretty new).

I know how to take my medications every day. I know how to meditate every day. I know how to celebrate meditating every day. I know how to forgive my body for hurting every day. I know how to forgive my mind for noticing that my body is hurting every day. I know how to work well with my body. I know how to love, engage, and appreciate my brilliant body, every day, alongside the hurting.

I know how to let go of my diagnoses and live within the moment instead. I know how to say goodbye (but not to people that I’ll see again). I don’t know how to hang up the phone. I know how to heal vocal nodules; I also know how to successfully avoid needing to use this skill ever again. I know how to write a speech. I know how to play poker (just kidding, I don’t remember). I know how to write a fortune. I don’t know how to tell a lie. I do know how to act quite well, but I don’t do it often. I know how to be wise, sometimes and depending on the context. I know how to look pretty. I know how (to pretend to?) be sexy. I know how to feel visually and energetically beautiful. I know how to healthfully tend to my energy.

I am learning how to know myself. I am learning how to survive within the barriers and cold boundaries of capitalism. I am learning how to escape the sources of my suffering. I am learning how to seek out a better reality, for my body, my mind, and my soul. I know how to pray. I known how to channel. I know how to listen. I am learning how to be silent. I know how to speak up. I know how to align with divinity. I know how to love myself. I know how to love myself. I know all the reasons why I will never ever stop loving myself. I know how to learn how to always love myself, more and more. I know how to figure out how to heal myself. I know how to love myself.

Extraterrestrials Are Real (Friendly) And I’m sure of it, having met and drawn many over the last 7 years.

 

Extraterrestrials Are Real! (And Really Kind.)

I’ve had dreams where I’ve met aliens, specific and non-specific. I’ve drawn thousands of aliens and I’ve channeled just as many. All of these experiences happened while sober, sane, and on my medications. That is to say, aliens only wanted to say hi when I was in a lucid (and usually happy) state of being.

My handful of favorite experiences with extraterrestrials (a more precise way of saying aliens) are times that I won’t share. As precious as it is to communicate with a loved one who has passed or has yet to be born is how precious my experiences of these ET friends have been to me.

I will add, however, my greatest theories about alien, non-terrestrial (not from Planet Earth) life forms, for your reading pleasure and also for the sake of providing information when most other seem to be totally guessing, quite frankly:

1. Why is the Fermi Paradox confusing to us, and to scientists? 

The Fermi Paradox was an idea created in the 1950s that essentially wondered how there could be life elsewhere, upon the premise that there probably was, and yet they hadn’t yet made contact. This is simply rudimentary, flawed, and a vast misunderstanding of alien intelligence. 

The good news, however, is that a few intelligent people were able to stymie the various reasons to explain the paradox by giving one good reason: the form of extraterrestrial life is beyond human sensory comprehension. That aliens might not be “cavemen,” nor self-destroyed, nor non-cosmic seeking, nor even technologically advance but not interested — that instead (this is what I know to be true) they might be at a third level, beyond all of this. 

Paul Davies, a physicist who is interested in the topic, stated, “This ‘third level’ would never be manifest through observations made at the informational level, still less the matter level,” when describing the possibility that aliens would exist outside of humans comprehensible range of observations.

2. That aliens, as such, are energetic and non-matter beings. 

They can choose to take various matter forms, although usually as visual projections into the minds of humans or out onto the landscape beyond, but they are intrinsically energetic beings. This is also why our perceptions of aliens have dramatically shifted their presentation — their forms are responding to our minds and societal assumptions about the forms they will, should, or are presumed to take.

I want to point out that this includes drug-induced experiences or sightings of extraterrestrial beings. DMT is known to let others see various beings, often aliens (non-terrestrial cosmic beings). This can happen on any range of psychedelics. Aliens, as such, are appearing however makes the most sense to you within your historical framework, in order to help you notice and then ideally understand their existence — and beyond that, their message(s).

This is also an important concept for understand the legends around people being conducted by alien consciousness. Not abducted, but we’ll get to the true meaning of “abductions” later. Regardless, humans can essentially inhabit our minds. 

But, and I’ll explain this next, cosmic beings are mostly all GOOD.

Your mind creates what it wants to see; that is a neurological observation about human beings, including that our brains fill in gaps of information based on assumptions, and that the Reticular Activating System filters out anything that our conscious mind has deemed not relevant to us or our beliefs. But that’s tangential, to an extent.

I have much more evidence about the types of bodies that aliens have, but I don’t necessarily feel compelled to include it all in this one article. Nonetheless, I am always happy to write more about this topic, if needed. In essence, non-terrestrial life forms inhabit a different type of existence entirely. We could call it energetic, but it also, as such, can cross the boundaries of both space time and also into and out of the human mind.

3. Aliens (extraterrestrial cosmic beings) are 99.9% of the time GOOD OR NEUTRAL in both their impact and their intent.

Okay, lets break this concept down as easily as possible. Of alllll of the species of bacteria, only an estimated 1% (or even less than 1%, according to some science resources) are actually pathogenic. ONLY ONE PERCENT of bacteria are pathogenic. 

That one percent of bacterial species that is unhealthy for other organisms, however, causes a large percent of human illnesses, ranging from estimates of about an eighth of all human illnesses with lower and higher estimates (feel welcome to research this further, but this amount of wide sweeping estimates are more than sufficient for the description I want to provide).

Now, nature mimics itself, right? We’ve all see the pictures of neurons in the human brain looking exactly like cosmic matter, or tree roots looking like human veins, or the amount of water needed across organisms proportionate to body size (more details needed on this, but for these purposes) and so on and so forth. We can see these patterns of existence, of mathematics, and of natural trends. 

Human beings (which are very literally human animals, of the taxonomic class mammalia) have the same behavioral patterns, in many ways, as other more “advanced” animal species. We also have a predictably rageful response, in capitalist America, to the enclosure we experience in cities, cubicals, onto our computers, and air-conditioned rooms. We are, in a sense, creating our own captivity. As such, we react like very, very unhealthy animals much of the time. War, for instance, is a great example of this. That’s not exactly supposed to happen, so to speak.

All of this is merely to say that, much like the pattern of percentage we see in microbes, specifically bacteria is our example here today, numerically mirrors the percentage of kind aliens. This is actually far more linear conceptually than it sounds. Also, more importantly, I literally know this as fact because I have made contact with thousands of aliens (of varying forms and species, as such) over the past 7 ish years.

So, to recap, the vast majority of extraterrestrial beings, in the forms of energies, consciousnesses, idea-beings, dream visits, visual projections, visions, or psychedelic sightings are actually actively beneficial for human beings. Or, they are neutral and calm, in that sense. Only a tiny fraction have ill-will toward humans. 

But, much like bacterial pathogens, the “bad” aliens are pretty over-active. So like, bad extraterrestrials (which is a crude way of saying, alien beings without the good of humans as a goal or metric of their behavior) are just more noticeable. 

And, perhaps most importantly, the human brain, and human mind unless actively reprogrammed by ourselves, naturally seeks out negativity. We are biologically programmed to noticed the bad before the good. It is a safety mechanism run awry. 

That is why cortisol from stress from things like commuting is making our lives extremely difficult. Human beings were never meant to live this way. And, in that sense, we are far more prone to seek out experiences with negative alien beings. 

We are just more interested in the bad non-terrestrial stories. 

It’s easier to plug into our existing news cycles and structures overall. Which leads me to our next point (and perhaps final point for today)…

4. The kind extraterrestrial being stories are more subtle, more internal, less believable, and more magic, in a way.

Real positive encounters with extraterrestrial beings are not actually as rare as we would like to believe. Yet, because the people encountering good aliens (again, shorthand for good for human aliens, but this is more of a philosophical point than anything else) are usually more chill people, quite frankly, they are also intrinsically less pushy about getting their stories heard and understood.

I ask you to consider this:

Who is more likely to take their story to multiple news outlets?

The human who saw a light orb and communicated telepathically during meditation about their past wounds or the future of humanity and their specific human role, while this warm floating presence held their mind in the moments of trance at the peak of a 20 minutes meditation.

OOORR

The human who was angry while driving and saw a flash and then skidded off the road to see a strange light being flash past their face and then felt cold and was sure they got abducted.

Obviously, please admit, that second one would tell everyone. They would care more. They would WANT people to know. Now, I must admit, even writing that last story gave me the chills. It was hard to write and uncomfortable to put out there. But that is because I have encountered both genre of ET life, so to speak. Yet, once again, I have encountered hundreds of times more kind alien beings. 

I also think that the loving aliens, although a bit scary in their own intense and immense power, are more wholesomely capable than any negative being could ever be. But that last part is only opinion because I am a persistent optimist who, despite all that I’ve lived through, profoundly believes that one day love will win. 

And that, although much of life is absolutely miserable, a lot of it is good too and — in many ways, even unseen, love is winning. Not necessarily by much, but by enough. And that our human minds are programmed to notice fear or danger more than love or celebratory and evolved joy. 

As such, it is out job as human beings to stay open to love. 

Relatedly, it the job of us, as human beings to stay aware of loving, kind, and compassionate extraterrestrial beings here on Planet Earth.

_

Also, I invite you to check out my t-shirt website. Please do not feel obliged to purchase any of the clothes, but I would love for you to read the stories I’ve added next to them!! Each one speaks to a specific drawing I’ve done (and made into a tee graphic).

Although the clothing line (ET Love by APL) is both an endeavor of love and a way for me to create more income from my visual artwork, (line drawings with pen on paper, until made ready for the t-shirt graphic) obviously— the project and apparel is also and even more so a way to promote the idea of loving ETs. 

This might sound unimportant, because Earth is so extremely painful right now for so many human beings, but I deeply believe that increasing our love and respect for alien beings, even just conceptually, will contribute to our abilities, as humans, to experience empathy, nuance of character assessment, and wisdom. 

I think, as the creator of this line, but also as a channel for loving aliens, that this work goes far beyond any extraterrestrial being and into the hearts of how humans can be kinder and more loving to one another, too.

[Non-Cosmic, Capitalist Side Note: If the pricing is frustrating or unrealistic to you, I can also happily provide a lower price for any individual who needs that! Feel welcome to email me about this. I want the artwork to be as accessible as possible. I priced the shirts higher than they were before to increase the gravity and value of the art (pen and paper line drawing) and the seriousness of the concepts (loving aliens!). 

I am finding ways to support my work as an artist, writer, and speaker for mental health, but again, I can definitely reduced them if needed, as much as I can to cover the cost of print-on-demand. Lastly, there is free shipping for everyone, in general, so I hope that helps a bit too (it’s calculated into the current price).]

All in all, thank you for reading this article! The topic is near and dear to my heart. I started the alien artwork about 5 years ago, after first (noticeable) contact about 7 years ago. 

Since then, I have grown very fond of these beings and creatures and, in many ways, guides. As such, I am always happy to write more, answer questions, and continue channeling them for awareness through artwork. 

This is, ironically, far beyond the aliens. In fact, the most loving extraterrestrials care about humans even more than themselves. 

Loving ETs are already happy, but they see than most of us humans are not… So they want to help! 

Also, if you go to the website, you do not need to buy anything BUT please read the stories that I have included!! For each image, I have written an alien message (some are longer or shorter) that expresses the specific meaning or purpose of the image. That’s free, but also very important to me and I think a lovely way to read more about these beings, one by one :) 

The shirts AND stories (most importantly!) are online at www.etlovebyapl.com and the stories are written within each individual shirt description. A good one to start is the extraterrestrial ritual under “Oracle Energy,” which you can most definitely apply in your life without the actual physical shirt itself.

And, as mentioned, you’re welcome to reach out more directly with questions, comments, debates, etc. Always happy to discuss!!!

Lastly, I want to thank and give credit to my loving extraterrestrial & cosmic guides, particularly the dear one that I’ve included in the header image. 

She is pictured in the lower left corner and second to lower right. This image is my first ever acrylic painting, which turned out to be an alien guide with two more mini-alien guides within her eyes. This alien guide gave her abundantly thanks and permission in my writing this article.

I thank all of the loving aliens that allow me to be a channel of their joy for human beings and hopes for our planet and human species, overall. I am thankful for myself and the humans around me that I am well enough to be here, in this way, yet also stay sane. I am happy to be me and happy for the role that these divine beings have played within my life and within this work, overall.

Sending so much love and a warm hug to all humans and aliens who are so inclined toward that! Much health and happiness on your continued journey and that we may all work together with kindness, compassion, and heartfelt care for all beings, in all of existence, in perfect harmony, intergalactic, terrestrial, and far, far beyond.

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Prompts for commenting or pondering:

1. What’s your experience with aliens, if any?

2. How do you feel about the idea of aliens (extraterrestrial beings) as loving, kind, or helpful?

3. What media portrayals have stuck with you or stood out to you, over time?

4. How do you think human beings relate to the idea of aliens, and why?

5. Have you noticed any trends or patterns in how we relate to extraterrestrial beings, as a concept? 

6. What are some ideas or theories that you hold true about extraterrestrials?

7. If you had to think about it, what is your favorite image or idea that relates to alien life forms? What are so motifs or concepts that make you feel happy, in relation to cosmic beings?

Microbial Society link that includes the percent of bacterial species are symbiotic, commensal, or mutualistic, (good or neutral) versus the very small percent that are actually pathogenic

Thanks :) From me and from us all!